Contract Obligations
by MegaKat
Summary: A/U. During an experiment for her college religions course, a very lonely teenage Ami accidentally summons The Devil himself, and after being informed that she's sold her soul, the only thing she can think to wish for is a friend... and she wants the devil to do the job. (Again, this is A/U yall) Behold! My first (mostly) T fic!
1. Chapter 1

**So… yeah. AnaFrost links me to this thing on tumblr saying what an awesome fanfic idea it would be for some shy, introverted person to sell their soul to the devil in exchange for him to be their friend. And how by the time the person died, the devil would be like fuuuuck I actually like this guy! And he would make him his number two in hell.**

** Inspired by this—ok, who am I kidding? I wasn't just inspired, I couldn't get the idea out of my head for three DAYS—I wrote the end of the fic, a smut scene that will happen waaaay down the line, and then finally, the beginning. Also, there will totally be nods to the Supernatural universe and the Winchesters because I simply CAN'T imagine a story about the devil without it being in their world. Don't worry, they won't be mentioned a ton at least, but I am planning on them making a cameo when Ami's older, just for shits and giggles. **

** Note that there will be a lot of teenage hijinks well before we skip ahead to later years, but I'm hoping that yall will enjoy the ride as much as I'll enjoy writing it! Behold! My first T (mostly T anyway) fic!**

** AnaFrost, I blame you. **

"Darn it. Do I really need actual blood for this?" Ami sputtered as she read the spell once again. "And of course… it has to be human blood. Well, I'm not raiding the college for an experiment… at least not for an elective class. If it was for Biology or something, fine, I'd risk getting arrested… but not for a religious study."

Mulling over the list of ingredients once more, she finally just went into the kitchen and found a knife, washed it thoroughly, then doused it in rubbing alcohol for good measure. "It won't need much since it's not going to work anyway," she mused as she carried the blade back into her bedroom and locked the door behind her. Not like her mother was home—she never was—but Ami wasn't taking any chances. The last thing she needed is for someone to walk in on the middle of her performing a Satanic ritual.

"Alright… I think I've got everything. Now, for the spell. Ahem… I call upon you, oh Prince of Darkness—" Ami stopped then and started laughing hysterically despite her best efforts to keep a straight face. "Oh God, this is so ridiculous! I had better get an A on this paper! Hehehe… hahaha… ok, ok… get it together, Ami!" After another little giggle fit, she managed to sit up straight and finish the incantation, but she hesitated as she held the knife to the palm of her hand.

"Oh… don't be a sissy," she hissed at herself. "Just do it. One… two…" Squinting her eyes tightly shut, she closed her hand around the edge and jerked it out with the other, only to immediately yelp in pain. "OWWWIE! GOD, THAT HURT! I HAD SO BETTER GET A FRICKING A! OH CRAP I'M BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! GET IT IN THE CUP, GET IT IN THE CUP!"

The aforementioned cup was just a chipped coffee mug in the middle of the makeshift altar, but since the book hadn't specified, Ami had just grabbed the first thing she could find out of the cabinet, and she was now bleeding generously into it. "Why am I doing this for something that's not even going to work anyway!?" She ranted to herself. "And don't say that debunking something requires complete accuracy, Ami!"

"But it does."

"I told you not to say it—" Ami stopped at that, and was filled with the chilling realization that the voice that had answered her was low, rough and very male. And besides… "I don't answer myself," she breathed. So who had…

Her wide eyes found hooves, horns and a tail, and that was quite literally all her brain could process before she shrieked in terror and dove for the door. "OH CRAP I LOCKED IT!" She screamed before tearing towards the closet next and shutting the door behind her. "IT'S A HALLUCINATION! I LOST TOO MUCH BLOOD AND—oh what in the heck am I talking about, I haven't even lost a quarter of a pint and that's not enough for—AND WHY AM I IN THE CLOSET, THAT'S HORROR MOVIE NO-NO ONE-OH-ONE! OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!"

"You're right, you know. No one ever thinks to just calm down and unlock the door and run for the ground floor. I suppose it's that stupid human flight response," that male voice interjected from the other side of the door. "Like vermin, you run for a dark little corner somewhere as quickly as possible and hope that whatever's stalking you will be dumb enough not to know you're there. Which usually isn't the case."

Shaking like a leaf, Ami didn't respond; she only gripped the knife in her right hand tightly, preparing herself to fight the goat-man thing outside her door—surely that had been a hallucination, right!? The devil wasn't REAL! "Did Cerise put something in my tea at lunch to mess with me?" She whispered aloud. "No… no, that's not possible, I would have started hallucinating hours ago if she'd done something that horrible." Half-expecting the voice outside the closet to answer her, Ami was relieved when it didn't and she waited another full minute before chalking up whatever had just happened as some sort of psychotic episode. "I'll call Mom and have her order a CT scan and an MRI and a full workup, and when I find out I have schizophrenia, I'll know for sure that there's a reasonable explanation behind all of this—"

The closet door flew open then, silencing her, and her blue eyes went wider than humanly possible as she stared up at a red figure that could only be the devil himself.

"BOO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

####################################

Something poking her forehead brought her around, and Ami couldn't even open her eyes for a moment as she swatted blindly and her hand collided with someone's wrist. "The heck… staaaaahp…"

"Wakie wakie," a male voice chuckled malevolently.

That voice was like a glass of ice water in the face, and Ami snapped awake instantly, so terrified of the giant, red, cloven-hoofed _thing_ in front of her that she couldn't even scream. The only thing that came out of her mouth was, "oh God," squeaked out in a high-pitched, horrified voice.

"Nope!" The creature replied with a huge grin. "Not even close!"

"I think I'm going to faint," she breathed.

"While it was hilarious the first time, I'm kind of on a schedule, woman," the figure replied with a little laugh. "So let's just clear the air. You're not hallucinating, this _is_ real, and you managed to summon the devil by offering your soul in exchange for a wish! So, what did you want to wish for? Make it quick, I'm in a hurry!"

"I…I…I…"

##########################################

Poking woke her again, and this time Ami woke up immediately and screamed her head off at the sight of the devil standing right in front of her, who promptly facepalmed and sighed heavily. "Look, woman, this is getting old fast. Could you please shut the fuck up!?"

"BUT YOU'RE—YOU'RE—OH MY GOD—"

"Wrong again, Blue," he chuckled. "Shit, that never gets old, the first thing everyone says when they summon the devil is 'oh my God' and they're always totally fucking wrong. And stop all that shaking, I swear by the seven hells that if you pass out again I'm going to dump a bucket of toilet water on your head to wake you." Apparently the devil wasn't totally without compassion, though, because when she only continued to shake and stared at him in utter terror, he sighed. "Tell you what, Blue. I'm going to change into something less imposing, ok? Hopefully your fragile little psyche will be able to handle it and we can get down to business."

He waved his hand then and was instantly replaced with the appearance of a bald man that stood seven feet tall, his giant, muscular form clothed in an expensive suit.

Ami just blinked, and for the life of her, she couldn't stop the words from leaving her mouth. "You call that less imposing?" She squeaked. "You're like, seven feet tall and built like a brick shithouse!"

The sight of her face darkening in an immediate blush made the devil laugh, and he promptly sat on the edge of the bed and grinned at her. "Oh no, naughty girl. You swore, you'd better go do a lap around the rosary! Or several, considering that you just sold your soul to the devil," he added with a laugh. "Now, hurry up and tell me what you want."

What she wanted? Blinking stupidly at him once more, Ami just shrugged. "You were just an experiment I was doing for my religious studies course! I didn't think I was actually going to _summon the devil_! I don't even _believe_ in you!"

"Aw, you wound me, Blue! I believe in _you_!" He cackled. "And here you are, whether or not I believe!" Before she could answer, the devil rose from the bed and smoothed out his jacket. "And here I am," he said seriously. "Your soul's already on the table, too, so get to wishing. I have other deals to make and a busy schedule." Her blank stare made him sputter and snap his fingers in front of her face. "Seriously, woman! Make with the wish! I haven't got all the time in the world!"

"But… I don't want anything," Ami managed weakly. What she wanted was for this scary, large man to go away and let her go to bed! She'd go to sleep and wake up in the morning and convince herself that this had all just been a crazy dream! But how to make him go away!? He wanted a wish! Maybe she could just dismiss him? "I… um… I guess you can just go? I'm awfully sorry to have wasted your time. I could fix you a cup of tea if you'd like for your trouble? Maybe cook you something?"

"You're fucking shitting me, right?"

"I would, however, ask you to mind your language in my home," Ami added, her tone much braver than she actually felt.

"Is that a wish?"

The hopeful look in his eyes told her he was serious, and thankfully, Ami managed a quick "no."

"I told you, I don't want anything, sir. If this is real—and for the sake of argument I'm going to pretend it is in hopes that you'll finally just go away—I'd much rather keep my soul. So again, I give you my most sincere apologies for wasting your time, and I assure you that I won't be participating in any more experiments like _that_ for my religion course at the college, even if it winds up getting me a B." She finished her little speech with a heavy sigh, but when the huge person taking up a good portion of her room just rolled her eyes and facepalmed once more, she knew she'd given him the wrong answer. "Please leave?" She managed shakily.

"Wish I could, Blue, but I can't until you make a wish. Your soul's already on the table, like I told you. There's no backing out, no reneges, no mulligans. Just make a fucking wish, you get whatever it is you want, and when you die I'll come and collect on the deal. It's as simple as that." The devil felt like breaking something when her eyes filled up with tears, but he didn't want to scare her—scaring people was fun, but damn it, he was on a schedule!—so he stalked over to the door, unlocked it and opened it. "Go make me that stupid fucking cup of tea. You have one hour to think it over."

Hopefully she'd calm the fuck down during that hour and wrap her tiny human brain around the fact that he was real, she'd make her wish, and he could finally be on his way!

It seemed like he'd waited a century before she finally slid off of the bed where he'd placed her the very first time she'd passed out, but the tiny woman eventually got her ass moving and hesitated only a moment at the door before skirting past him quickly and down the stairs. "Wow, if she isn't tiny," he remarked as he followed her into a large kitchen, only to scoop up a towel from the counter and hand it to her. "Might want to wrap that hand up."

"Oh, thank you," she said as she nervously took the towel from his hand, only to sputter at the trail of blood she'd left on the floor. "Oh no, Mom's going to have my head!" She exclaimed, immediately going to the cabinet for some carpet cleaner and a few washcloths.

"Just make the tea, Blue, I've got the carpet," the devil graciously offered, waving a hand to clean up the trail she'd left, adding the bed linens to that as a bonus. "And calm down, it's only your soul."

"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't be so condescending," she managed from the sink as she filled the kettle with hot water. "It's not very nice. But I thank you for getting rid of the blood. Would you like something to eat?" She added before he could even reply, concentrating on being a good hostess to keep herself from freaking out. "I don't have a lot since I haven't gone grocery shopping this week, but there's plenty of leftovers." Ami opened the fridge then and gestured at the amount of covered dishes inside, and when he just lifted an eyebrow, she shrugged. "I cook enough for Mom every night just in case she comes home from work, but…" Another shrug finished her sentence, and she pulled a plate from the night before out of the fridge, unwrapped it, and stuck it in the microwave.

"Woman, I thought you were just ridiculously fucking tiny, but… how old _are_ you?" The devil suddenly asked.

"Fifteen. Old enough to look after myself, thank you," she answered defensively. "My mother's a famous doctor and she's usually in surgery if she's not working the Emergency Department, so she doesn't normally get home until late. Unless she's working a triple," she amended, not wanting to lie. "Then she'll sleep over on a cot at the physician's lounge."

"You want to wish for her to be home more often?" He offered. "That would make you happy, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, but… Mom loves her job," Ami sighed as she turned to the beeping microwave and removed the steaming beef tenderloin and vegetables she'd made the night before. "I wouldn't want to make her unhappy in the process." She went to the table then and set the plate down in front of him. "Please eat. I know it's only leftovers, but I tried really hard to cook it right."

Sensing that it would rude to refuse and hoping that accepting the food would speed things up, the devil took a bite and actually nodded in genuine approval. "It's good; bet it was delicious last night."

He was rewarded with a blush and a pleased little smile before she went to the whistling kettle and she set out mugs with teabags in them and filled them with steaming water. "You know… even though you're a hallucination brought on by something someone must have slipped me at school, it's nice to have someone to talk to," she acknowledged as she set his tea in front of him.

"You want to be popular, then?"

"No," Ami answered immediately. "God no, I can't stand any of the people at my high school. The fact that they're not all that very smart is something I can overlook, but… they're mean to me," she admitted, blushing yet again. "Just because I ruined the curve when Mom moved us here from Japan when I was little. I can't help it that I already knew calculus when we got here."

"How old were you?" He asked conversationally, noting that the longer she talked, the more she relaxed.

"Six." The way his eyebrows lifted made her turn redder and she looked at the floor. "Mom taught me in her spare time, back before I was old enough to look after myself. I'm good at math."

"But not in Religion," he snickered, unable to help himself, grinning when she looked mortified. "Oh, come on, Blue! At least learn to laugh at yourself."

"Even if this is a stupid hallucination, as long as I'm stuck in it, I'll claim to be pretty good at Religion!" She countered, her voice only shaking slightly when he frowned down at her. "After all, I translated all of that Latin by myself, and apparently I got it right! And suspending disbelief since I'm dreaming this anyway—the spell actually worked! So I'd call myself pretty darn good at Religion, thank you very much!"

"Ooo… you're almost adorable when you show a little spine, Blue. And you might want to work on that overachiever complex as you grow up. We can't all be the best at _everything_. Maybe you'd be more popular in school if you didn't have to one-up everyone."

"It—it's not like that!" She protested. "I even got B's on purpose in third grade just to see if it would make them all stop hating me, but—but—" Big, fat tears started rolling down her cheeks then, and Ami quickly looked away again, grabbing a clean dishtowel from a drawer to wipe her face. "They wouldn't stop making fun of me," she finished with a sob. "And Mom kept grounding me for making B's, so I gave up on trying to make them like me. They're all stupid and horrible anyway," she added bitterly. "And the few of them that are nice to me never want to really be my friends; they just want to copy my notes."

"Wish for a new start then," the devil suggested as he continued to eat. Damn it, if the beef wasn't pretty good!

"I don't want a new start, I just want a—" Ami stopped then and turned to stare at him, realization dawning in her blue eyes.

"And I think we've got it!" he cheered as he wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood. "I smell an epiphany. Lay it on me, woman, I'll make with the wish granting, and I can be on my way!"

"Would _you_ be my friend?" She asked quickly before she could lose her nerve or think of something else to wish for. His flabbergasted expression told her that her wish was definitely not what he was expecting, and she managed a little shrug. "Well, you don't already know me so you can't prejudge me, you can pop in and out whenever you want, and I figure that the devil ought to be good for an intelligent conversation most of the time. You've probably seen and done more than I could ever hope to."

"I need to sit back down," he rumbled, promptly doing just that. A few seconds of silence passed before he could finally open his mouth again, and when he did, he could only sound incredulous. "You want _me_ to be your friend? The devil. _That's_ your wish!?"

"The idea's sounding better and better the more I think about it," Ami replied evenly. "Besides, this is a dream anyway, so it's not real. Might as well make it interesting. So yes, I wish for you to be my best friend."

"You've got to be shitting me," he whispered in shock. "Blue, I've granted wishes for money, fame, sex, good health, and even one for a man to have a two foot penis. That last one was the most pathetic thing I've ever heard of… until now. This… this is easily the saddest fucking wish I've ever granted."

"Sorry," she whispered dejectedly. "You don't have to if you don't want to, Mr. Devil. I wouldn't force you to be my friend, it was just a stupid wish." Briefly gesturing at the plate, she turned back towards the living room and the stairwell. "I'll clean up if you just want to leave it."

Ami was unsurprised not to hear anyone follow her up the stairs, and when she flopped onto her bed, all alone, she couldn't help but cry herself to sleep, not knowing that someone awkwardly watched her bawl for several minutes before vanishing from her bedroom doorway.

########################################

"God… what a horrible dream," Ami muttered at dawn as she rolled out of bed and started to clean up the mess she'd left after her little experiment. "How pathetic am I, really? I want a friend so badly that I actually dreamed that the devil came and I wished for him to be my friend. God, if that actually happened, he'd probably think I was the most pathetic creature on the planet."

Her mess taken care of, she made a mental note to burn that stupid book—she didn't care how old it was!—and her notes along with it; she could write her paper from memory and still receive a B for her efforts, and she'd take the B gratefully, too! "And I knew I hadn't cleaned that knife well enough," she remarked as she performed her morning ritual in the bathroom along with cleaning the deep cut in the palm of her left hand. It was red and a little swollen, but a bit of antibiotic ointment would fix that right up.

Funny, there was no trail of blood to the kitchen, and the towel that had been in her hand upon waking was from the kitchen, so surely… "He took care of it," she whispered, a shiver of fear going down her spine. "No no no, I must have wrapped it in something else on my way down and—but why can't I remember it?" And the memory of the devil was crystal clear in her mind, too—it wasn't fading like it had been a dream, like a dream would have normally faded after ten minutes or more.

Fluffing her hair as she tried to just convince herself that she had experienced some sort of mental blackout the night before and that she was forgetting patches of what had happened, Ami made her way downstairs only to freeze in the kitchen doorway. "I know I didn't eat last night," she insisted softly, staring wide-eyed at the plate of half-eaten leftovers on the kitchen table and the discarded napkin… a napkin that _wasn't _marred with pink lip gloss, as all of hers always were. "It's not real, it's not real, it's not real," she chanted, daring to step over the threshold, hesitating only a moment before taking the plate and taking care of remainder of the food in the waste bin, then all but chucking the plate and fork into the sink.

"I'm not losing my mind, am I?" She babbled out before looking at the phone. "I'm not going in," she decided. "I don't have college today anyway, and I have straight A's at the high school and no absences, so they won't say anything… oh crap, but I have that test today! But I won't be able to concentrate no matter what I do and I'll wind up getting a B anyway, so I may as well lay out and pray that they'll let me take a retest. Better to lie about being sick than to bring home a B," she finished with a sigh.

"You talk to yourself an awful lot, Blue."

Ami could only tremble in place at the sound of that low, male voice coming from the doorway, and her hand gripped the lip of the sink tightly as she squeezed her eyes shut, silently willing it all to not be real. "A nervous breakdown would be preferable to this being real," she panted. "Please, please, please God don't let this be real!"

"Please don't start crying again or pass out," the devil grumbled in reply. "It was funny enough last night when you fainted… twice. But if you do it in here you're going to crack your head on the tile and then I'll wind up having to drive you to the Emergency Department. And since your mother's still pulling her shift there, you'll have a fun time explaining why a man that looks old enough to be your father was in your house in the first place and how you managed to sustain a concussion in his presence."

"And she'll wonder why I wasn't already walking to school," Ami added.

"I think your mother would be far more concerned about the strange man in the house and the brain injury, Blue."

"You clearly don't know my mother very well," she countered, slowly turning in place to lay eyes on the same extremely tall, burly man from last night. "The possibility of dating an older man or me getting injured would have her worried. My missing school would send her into a nuclear meltdown."

"Not a very good mother if you ask me," he pointed out dryly as he removed his suit jacket and loosened his tie a bit, his lips twitching up in a smirk at the sight of the little blue-haired teenager silently fuming, her eyes glittering at him with fury.

"MY MOTHER IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

"You're cute when you're pissed, Blue. Come sit and eat and we'll have a chat about how to handle your wish."

"You _take it back_," she insisted hotly, her arms folding over her chest and her fists clenching tightly. "You are not going to step into my home and then disrespect a woman that has raised me alone for fifteen years!"

"Fine, fine," he drawled out smoothly, waving her towards the chair beside him. "I apologize. I only did it to distract you from thinking that you were crazy anyway. Worked like a charm."

Blushing brightly at the realization that she'd actually yelled _at_ someone, Ami shyly looked to the floor. "Oh. I… I would ask you to refrain from speaking about my mother, anyway."

"Not a problem, Blue. Now come sit down so we can get acquainted and tell me what you wanna eat for breakfast."

Unable to politely refuse his request, she hesitantly edged her way to the table, and when he gestured patiently towards the chair she sat down slowly, never once taking her eyes off of him, ready to bolt at a moment's notice.

"Never got your name last night," he continued nonchalantly as he relaxed and leaned back in his chair.

"A—Ami," she replied in a nervous whisper. "Mizuno."

"And I'm Nappa. Pleased to meet you, Ami." The devil was surprised when she actually accepted his hand to shake, but he let out a chuckle when she only briefly stuck hers in his, shook it once, then immediately jerked her hand away. "So, what do you want for breakfast? Go ahead and name it and I'll take care of it."

"No, that's alright, you don't have to cook, Nap—wait… wouldn't your name be Lucifer?" She asked in confusion, fluffing her hair in thought.

"That was the devil two devils before me. I'll tell you the story over breakfast if you'd like. And you fed me last night, Blue; I'll return the favor. So just tell me what you want?" He asked hopefully, clearly wanting to get the ball rolling. "Come on, I'm not a very patient man most of the time, and your shyness, while cute, is getting old quickly."

"Sorry, um—eggs and toast? Would that be too much trouble?" She asked meekly. No sooner had she said it, the food was in front of her, and she nearly fell out of her chair in shock. A large hand immediately steadied her though, and a dark eye tipped her a wink. "Um, thank you," she managed.

"You sure that's all you want, Ami? I'm having eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, pancakes, biscuits and gravy and coffee." Nappa's food also appeared once he'd stated what he was having, and he grinned when she just stared at the spread open-mouthed. "You know, I'd forgotten what it was like to have someone totally speechless over something that I take for granted every morning. It's refreshing. Anything to drink?" He added conversationally as he tucked a napkin that had magically appeared into his shirt collar.

"You… wow. This is real?" Ami breathed in awe. "Like, really real? I'm not actually losing my mind?"

"Nah, it's real." A bite of egg sopped into his hashbrowns went in his mouth then and he groaned in approval. "You sure you don't want more, Blue? This shit is delicious."

Looking at her food as an experiment, Ami licked her lips in anticipation. "French toast," she said quickly, half-expecting it not to appear. But sure enough, it was there, and she beamed before adding, "hash browns. Ooo, with cheese on them. I love them like that, but mom already gets onto me for not being a vegetarian and—_oh my God I can have bacon_," she realized aloud, her mouth hanging open.

"Yes, you can," Nappa confirmed just as another plate appeared beside the others.

"Bacon," she whispered in awe, her fingers slowly grasping a piece to lift it to her mouth. But she stopped and just stared at it for several seconds, only to blush when she felt the devil jokingly elbow her in the arm.

"It's real, Ami. Eat it," he snickered around another bite of his meal.

"Oh my God it is," she moaned the moment she took a bite. "I think I'm gonna cry! Real bacon! Not that tofu junk that Mom makes me buy! Real, honest-to-pig _**bacon**_!"

"Damn, woman, if you think that's something, just wait until you see me do some real magic!" He barked out in a hearty laugh. "I can smite the living and dead alike with a snap of my fingers, I can heal wounds and I can make the poor rich and the rich poor… but _bacon_ is what fucking does it for her!"

"Sorry, it's just so good!" She replied with a bright blush, but her hand was instantly at her mouth again and she was making a very satisfied noise as she munched on the rest of the slice.

"You ever tried it in egg yolk? Or better yet, dip it in the maple syrup, it's delicious," Nappa informed her. "Go on, try it."

Ami tried the egg yolk first and nodded immediately. "Wow, that _is_ good. A heart attack waiting to happen, but good." She melted in her seat when she tried it in the maple syrup, though; the flavor explosion that hit her taste buds was so overwhelming that she had to grip the table. "Oh my God, where have you been all my life? Bacon and maple syrup… mmmm… I'd ask for another plate of bacon if it wasn't rude—Oh! Thank you!"

"Not a problem," he chuckled, waving at the fresh plate. "Shit, you didn't even have to sell me your soul, Ami, you would have gone to Hell on gluttony alone."

That comment made her freeze in place, and she quickly returned the third piece of bacon in her hand to the extra plate, her eyes fixed on her lap in embarrassment as she hurriedly tried to chew and swallow the second.

Oh shit, was she actually going to cry? Groaning at the absurdity of it all, Nappa patted her shoulder, the motion more than a little awkward. "Ami, seriously? You really need to learn when I'm joking. And _fast_. Otherwise this is going to be eighty fucking years of you bawling your eyes out. Grow a thicker skin!"

"Oh," she stated softly in surprise. "You… you were joking? But not a mean joke," she amended when Nappa sighed in relief and nodded, only to make him nod again emphatically.

Cue another awkward pat on the shoulder. "If I'm being mean you'll know it for sure," he promised her, "because when I get mean I usually get really fucking scary."

"_Language_," Ami sputtered.

"_English_," Nappa mocked with a straight face, only to crack a smirk when she glared at him, one of her blue eyebrows raised in his direction.

"Don't get smart with me, and don't make me break out a swear jar, either. I don't like filthy language, Mr. Devil, not when a person with half a brain can come up with a better word to use in its stead."

"_Yes, __**Mom**_."

"If I was your mother I would have already washed your mouth out with soap… though I'd likely would have died in childbirth," she added with a touch of the scientific curiosity that was usually the only thing to ever bring her out of her shell. "How much did you weigh at birth, anyway? Twenty pounds?"

"Twenty-seven, by Earth standards," Nappa replied, pleased to make her eyes go wide again, only to watch them narrow again in interest; hell, he could practically see her brain whirring a million miles an hour inside of her skull. It was amazing, really, to see how fast she could be distracted by her shyness whenever her mind was squirreled away on some sort of analytical question.

Then came the question he knew would pique her interest and keep her from slipping back into her quiet shell. "Earth standards? Are you implying that you're not from this planet?"

"Not this dimension, either, actually. In laymen's terms, Hell transverses all of the dimensions, as does Heaven. All the bad people go to Hell, just usually different areas of it depending on where they died. But if you have the mind to travel a little bit, you can get into another dimension's section of the pit. It's not that difficult; a few of us came over from my Hell after Lucifer was caged by an angel and a couple of demon hunters. Then this guy named Crowley took over, but then he got ganked and shit went to… well, _Hell_. So Raditz, Turles and myself put our heads together, staged a hostile takeover when the timing was right, and now I'm the new devil. That's it in a nutshell," he finished with a shrug. "You going to eat, Blue? Or are you just going to stare?" He teased, only to sigh when she blushed and looked at her lap. "Joking, Ami. I'm joking. Fucking hell, this is going to be a long eighty years."

Trying his best to get the ball rolling, Nappa pushed her bacon towards her. "Seriously, eat. I have no clue what we're going to be doing today, but it won't be sitting around here and you'll need your energy. And while we're on the subject, what do you like to do for fun?"

"I like to study," Ami answer promptly. "And read."

"Wow, a real fucking wildchild, aren't you, Blue? Dear gods, whyyyyy didn't I let Turles come up instead when he offered? 'No, Turley, I got this,' I said. 'Easy in and out deal, it's just some teenage chick in her bedroom.' But noooo, I had to get fucking cocky, didn't I?"

"You don't have to stay," Ami whispered. "I mean… you don't have to be my friend. I wouldn't want to be an inconvenience since you're probably still kind of new to being the devil and all and you have far better things to do than spend time with me."

"Geez, little girl, you have absolutely no self-esteem, do you?" Nappa groaned. "Other than at comments about your mother, do you ever get mad?"

"Getting mad never solves much," she sighed. "And I meant it. I wished for a friend, and friendship goes both ways, Nappa. If you don't want to hang around, then I don't want you to. I wouldn't want my only friend to be unhappy with me. Thank you for breakfast, the bacon really was wonderful," she added with a forced smile as she got up from her chair and headed up the stairs.

**Oh, I forgot to tell yall that I am now screening Guest reviews. I won't name names or go into detail because while I AM pissed off at someone and know who they are, I'm not a vindictive bitch. One asshole just had to ruin it for everyone and throw me off my game for over a week, but I'm slowly getting over being utterly fucking terrified by said asshole for a whole day. End/rant, I promise, sorry! No drama, no drama. R&R, I'm still going strong on the next chapter, yall!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the delay, yall! I've been working on commissions, and as yall know, real life comes first! Real life being that I'm more than happy to write out your ideas for a very reasonable price, including the crack pairings that I have yet to tackle! Prices are up on my profile!**

A knock on her door made her hiccup between quiet sobs, and Ami hid her face in her pillow when the door suddenly swung open and Nappa stooped to enter. "I said you could go," she choked out, her voice muffled by the pillow. "Just go, I won't be mad."

"Do you always run away whenever something's bothering you?" Nappa ground out. "Seriously, you have to be one of the biggest cowards I've ever met. You sold your soul in exchange for a friend, and now you're backing out!? Lemme guess, a change is just too fucking scary, isn't it? Well, let me inform you that it's a change for me too, and whether I like it or not, I need to spend time with you nearly every day in order to fulfill my end of the contract obligation. So we may as well figure out what in the fuck we both enjoy doing so that we're not miserable and bored out of our skulls!"

Done with his rant, Nappa flopped back onto the bed with a huff, the impact making Ami bounce in the air for a moment before she came back down squealing in surprise. "Sorry," he grunted. "At least be grateful you didn't hit the ceiling fan."

No response came, and Nappa kept quiet in order to give her some time to compose herself, but when she only continued to cry softly into her pillow he lost his patience. "Seriously? I'm not going anywhere. Can ya cut the damned waterworks for five minutes and just tell me what you like to do?"

The pillow came down then, and he sighed when she just looked at him hopelessly, tears streaming freely down her face. The girl looked simply miserable, and Nappa racked his brain for what to do. _What would a friend do? Shit, I've got no experience in this department!_ "I think I'm going to need an assist on this," he muttered, followed by a little awkward pat to her arm. "I'll be back in an hour."

"No you won't," she sobbed, "but it's ok."

"Fucking hell, Ami. Clean up and eat some more. One hour," he stated flatly before vanishing.

**~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~**

"Wow, Nappa, _crash and burn_!" Turles cackled. "What a train wreck!"

"No joke!" Raditz chimed in with a laugh. "I won ten bucks, though! Turley had your back, but I knew without a doubt that you would utterly fucking _fail _at something this easy!"

"EASY!" Nappa roared. "You call this fucking EASY!? She won't stop fucking crying! What in the flying fuck am I supposed to fucking do when she won't stop fucking crying and everything I fucking say or try only makes her cry fucking harder! FUCK!"

"We got a 'fuck' record?" Turles asked.

"Close, but no," Raditz snorted. "Wait 'til he goes back and I'm sure we'll see one, though."

"Poor girl's gonna cry buckets," the younger of them snickered. "I'm getting a tape and recording it this time—we'll label it 'Wish Fulfillment Failures of All Time' and use it as an instructional video with new demons. If anything it'll boost morale."

"You're a dick, Turles," Nappa grunted, his temper spent for the moment as he flopped into a cozy chair that was big enough to handle his weight. "Go through her contract, I want to see if there's an out for either of us."

"I don't know, Nappa, you know it ain't good business to break a deal," Raditz replied even as his brother was going to the desk to do as he was told. "I wasn't watching all of it, so tell me, did you even try hugging her?"

"The fuck's a _hug_?"

"You mean to tell me that you never even hugged _Vegeta_!?" Raditz asked in utter shock. "Gods, no wonder that kid turned out so fucked up."

"You really never hugged the prince?" Turles chimed in at the same moment. "Shit, I'm not surprised that he ghosted you."

"I'd kill you both right now if we weren't already dead," Nappa muttered, followed by a blink as the only other Saiyan close to his height loomed over him. "What?"

"I'm going to show you this one time, Nappa. And no homo," Raditz added as he stooped a bit and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Please tell me that this is that hug thing and that you're not coming on to me," the devil choked out, fighting the urge to punch Raditz in the balls. "Because while I think you're attractive, you're not exactly my type."

"Thank the gods for that, since there is no way I'd ever take that freakishly large penis up the ass," Raditz snickered. "And yup, that's it," he added as he pulled away, ignoring Turles's comment about how Raditz would definitely be the bitch in that relationship. "Try it on the girl, it'll make her feel better. Humans crave close contact."

"I dunno, Raddy… I only get that close to someone when I'm balls deep in them. It'd feel too much like fucking, and Ami's way too damned young for that. And way too tiny; I'd just hurt the girl. Ugh… the very thought makes me feel _nasty_."

With a roll of his eyes, Raditz returned to his seat and sat down with a sound of impatience. "Just do it, Nappa."

"Wait, he might not have to!" Turles interjected triumphantly. "I think I've got something!"

Nappa and Raditz were both there in a flash, both of them packed in close and peering over Turles's shoulder at a massive rule book that was nearly the size of the desk. "What!?" Nappa asked when Turles just grinned to draw out the suspense. "Goddamnit, Turley, what did you find!?"

"If the mortal doesn't get what they wished for, the contract is null and void. Every other wish we've ever granted has been about instant gratification, so it's never been an issue—hell, it's probably never been an issue in the _history _of soul bargaining. Simply put, she wants you to be her friend. You can't be because you're a social retard. The contract is null and void if you can't deliver on your end of the deal."

"But he _can_," Raditz corrected.

"This coming from the jackass that bet against me?" Nappa growled.

"You were destined to fail the first time, Baldie. You wouldn't have accepted coaching before coming out of there a failure, anyway. You're too arrogant for that. I suggest you give it another try before you break a contract after only being the king for two years; it'll look really bad if you do," Raditz advised.

"Fine," he snarled before disappearing and landing on Ami's bed once more, his mood instantly lightening at her brief shriek of alarm. "Really didn't think I was coming back, did you?" He asked with a grin.

"No, I didn't. It's been over an hour," she managed softly despite her surprise.

"Time moves a little funny between realms," he told her before taking in the fact that she was clean and had even dressed in something different. "So, I have an idea. Wish for something different." Nappa didn't miss the flicker of utter disappointment on her face before she masked it and looked back down at the book she'd been reading when he'd appeared. "Anything you want, Blue, just name it, alright?"

Willing herself not to cry again, Ami nodded timidly. She'd known that this would happen; _no one_ wanted to be her friend, so why would the devil himself be any exception? But she couldn't help but be upset over the prospect of being alone, even though she'd been by herself for the majority of fifteen years. It had been so nice to have someone to talk to! "I thought you'd ask that. So… I wish for world peace. I don't want anything for myself," she whispered.

"Seriously?" Nappa deadpanned. "Goddamnit, Ami, hang on a moment." Drawing out his cell phone, he dialed the office and was immediately met with raucous laughter. "Fucking cut it out! Goddamned hyenas, both of you!" He barked. "Just tell me if I can do that—"

"NO!" Both of them cheered into the speakerphone.

"Why not?" Ami piped up seriously, her eyes narrowed at the phone in his hand. "You're the devil, aren't you mostly all-powerful or something?"

"He can't sway the hearts and minds of people with magic, little girl! Free will!" Turles yelled into the phone, knowing that she would hear him. "Besides, world peace is bad for business!"

"Alright, fine, I was prepared for that one to be a no, so I came up with a few alternative wishes. I want AIDS and HIV eradicated."

"Damn, of all the selfless… Turles, look it up, I don't know if I can do that or not." The silence was longer this time until Nappa said, "well?" into the phone, only to get a short, surprised "no" in response from Turles. "Really? You're serious?"

"Put me on speakerphone," Turles snorted. "Girlie, wiping out any disease is forbidden. Curing up to one entire family of the disease or wiping something like the possibility for cancer from the genetic code is possible, but not something on such a widespread scale."

Crossing her arms over her chest, Ami huffed a bit, but after a moment, a slow smile spread over her face. "Fine, then. I want Adam and Eve's entire family tree cured of it. Or rather, Noah's, if the stories in the Bible are true."

"Nappa, I like this one, you sure you don't wanna be her friend? The crying would annoy the hell out of me, but she's pretty sharp!"

"Shut up, Raditz. Turley?"

"Sorry, was trying not to laugh my ass off, boss," Turles snorted. "No, but I have to concede that it was a very nice attempt at getting around the rules. The genetic code thing only works going forward, not back, and before you get any other bright ideas, let me advise you that curing one family only lets us go back _five _generations."

"Fine." Clearly this got to her, and Ami glared at the phone for a long moment before speaking. "World hunger," she stated tersely.

"Nope. Free will," Turles answered immediately. "_Knew_ you were gonna go there," he added wryly. "Besides, you humans already plant more than enough grain to feed the world, but the greedy corporations feed it to the livestock or sell it at such a high mark-up that no one can afford it. If your wish was granted, it would only be temporary anyway until the rich figured out a new way to screw the poor out of their food. Nappa can't grant it because you're wishing for a permanent solution that he can't supply."

"Some devil _you _are," Ami muttered. Seriously, she'd come up with three great wishes, and he couldn't even grant _one_ of them!? Nappa's responding snort made her realize what she'd said though, and she turned bright red at her little outburst. "Um… sorry. What I meant was that—um…"

"That he sucks!" Raditz supplied. "We already know this!"

"Shut up, Raditz," Nappa ordered gruffly before hanging up the phone and turning his attention to the teenage girl sitting beside him on the bed. "Look, kid, I'm sorry that I can't come through on anything you want to wish for."

"Was being my friend on that list of 'no's' as well?" She asked quietly.

"No, but I obviously can't do it. You wind up crying every time you see me, and while I don't know a lot about friendship, it's my understanding that friends don't make each other bawl their fucking eyes out every day."

So he wouldn't try, that was his answer. "I understand." Really, she did. "And I can't blame you, Nappa," Ami choked out, her eyes filling with tears again. "I know I'm hopeless."

"Hey, I never said that!" Nappa replied, surprised at his own anger on her behalf. "Don't ever say that about yourself, do you hear me, Blue? You're not hopeless, not at all. I just suck at this friend thing, that's all. I don't know the first fucking thing about being friends with anyone."

"Weren't those your friends on the phone?" She asked as she wiped at her eyes.

"Friend is a very loose term between the three of us," Nappa snorted. "More like comrades. Colleagues. Employees, too. And assholes. Let's not forget that they're assholes," he added. "I still can't believe that Raditz bet against me. Asshole."

"Bet against you for what?"

"He bet his brother Turles that I wouldn't be able to make friends with a teenage girl when I came over this morning," Nappa confessed.

Trying her best to stifle a tiny smile and failing miserably, Ami replied, "can you blame him?"

Holy shit, had she actually smiled!? Nappa couldn't stop himself from laughing at that, and in the midst of his mirth he could have sworn he heard her utter a giggle, but when he managed to get himself under control he found her frowning again. "What, Blue? It was funny."

"It's ten," she informed him. "I have to go and do the shopping since it would be my free period at school. If Mom comes home and I haven't done it, she'll feel like she has to, and I wouldn't want her to go back out after working three days straight." Ami looked at him then and shrugged slightly. "I guess I'll come up with some more wishes and see you another day?"

Damn it, there was that utterly destroyed look again, and she was wearing it because he couldn't socialize. "No," he sighed, "I'll come with you. If anything, I can carry the groceries and annoy you by dumping packs of bacon in the cart."

"No, that's alright, you can—" The fact that he was already standing and offering her a hand up stopped her cold and she stared at him in confusion. "Are you serious? You're really going to come with me?"

"My day's free until five, your time," Nappa informed her, only to jump a mile when he was suddenly wrapped tightly in a pair of arms that couldn't even go all the way around his back, her small body pressed snugly to his. Thank the gods that Raditz had taught him about hugs, otherwise he would have thought she was attacking him! "Um," he managed awkwardly, wondering what in the hell he was supposed to do with his arms.

At least this didn't feel at all like sex and he didn't feel dirty, but what was he supposed to do with his hands!? A few seconds passed, and finally he encircled his burly arms around Ami, keeping them wide, awkwardly trying his best to keep them from touching her. "Ok, Blue, this is getting weird."

"Sorry!" She said quickly, instantly scrambling out of the embrace. "It's just that I've never spent more than a few minutes with anyone socially and now you're going to go shopping with me! I don't think I've gone shopping with anyone since I was twelve and Mom took me out for school clothes!"

Fucking hell, this girl was just _sad_, Nappa thought as he watched her practically bounce with excitement to the closet, where she retrieved her shoes. _If something this small makes her so happy, maybe being a friend won't be that difficult, _he mused. _Maybe I was just going about this the wrong way._

Sure enough, she'd only started crying when he'd been a bit of an ass or he'd left, right? Perhaps she just needed him to stick it out. And if he didn't… _Shit, I can't help but feel sorry for her. Just a little bit. _"Well, get used to it. I guess you'll be spending time with me every day unless you want out of the wish."

**~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~**

"I swear, kid, quit looking at me as if you're expecting me to be a figment of your imagination. I'm not going to disappear and I really am going to the store with you," Nappa snorted as he tried to keep his strides short so she wouldn't have to jog to keep up.

"Sorry!" Ami said quickly, her cheeks heating up in embarrassment. "It'll sound so lame, but… I don't think I've ever walked to the store with anyone before," she admitted softly. "I was old enough to look after myself by the time we moved here, so Mom let me stay at home while she went out, and when I got old enough to do the shopping…" The little genius shrugged at that and sighed, knowing how pitiful she probably seemed to the giant walking beside her. "Swimming, by the way."

"Huh?"

"You asked me what else I liked to do besides studying and reading. I like to swim," she elaborated as she craned her neck to look up at him. "And no offense, but you don't look like that to everyone, do you?"

"Why, Ami? You don't find my devilish good looks to be charming and eye-catching?" Nappa teased, waggling his brows at her.

Looking him up and down, Ami managed a shy little shrug. "You're very good-looking, it's just that you're the size of a grizzly bear and that might draw some looks at the store. I've already seen more than a few people stop and stare and a few drivers have hit their brakes. The last lady almost hit a tree."

"This is my original form and I haven't used it in public in a while, so forgive me if I opt not to change for a bit. Unless you preferred my redder, more goatly personage? Now that one I enjoy using in public as often as possible, and I'd be more than happy to—"

"No!" Ami said quickly when he raised a hand to transform himself. "Eight feet tall and bald is fine, just not the devil costume! That thing scared the bejeezus out of me!" Ami actually rolled her eyes a bit when he lowered his hand and just flashed her a trollish grin; God, he'd been joking and she'd bought it hook, line and sinker! "So, your original form?" She asked after a full minute of silence except for him chuckling at her on occasion.

"Yup, this body is one hundred percent genuine Nappa. I even have all the battle scars to prove it."

"I'd wondered if you were just pulling my leg yesterday when I asked how much you weighed at birth," she commented as she began to walk backwards and she looked him up and down with a scientific eye. "So you really _are_ an alien… are all your people built like bears?"

"Size varies," Nappa replied with a nonchalant shrug. "Raditz is a couple inches shorter than me, for example, but Turles is almost a couple feet shorter. True, I was the tallest Saiyan in the Armada, but there were quite a few warriors that came close in height. The king was only an inch shy of me."

"So, you were a warrior—wha?" She asked in surprise when he snagged her around the waist and stopped her.

"You're about to walk backwards into a pole, that's what," Nappa snorted. "Turn and around and just walk side by side, kid." Once she was facing the proper direction, he was more than happy to continue the conversation, and he didn't miss how her smile was gradually broadening every time she used it on him. _See, Raditz!? This isn't so fucking hard! Asshole. I can't believe you bet against me._ "Yes, I was a warrior," he finally answered. "I was the general of the Saiyan Armada, in fact, and charged with the safety of the crown prince. I looked after and raised three of them in my time, and grew up and trained with the one before them." He could practically see her counting in her head and snickered for a moment before waving off her obvious question. "I was a hundred and seventy when I died; Saiyans are much longer-lived than you frail little humans, though we have a tendency to die much younger, usually by the time we're thirty or forty. Comes from all the fighting."

"So… how did _you_ live for so long?" Ami inquired curiously.

"Because I was better than everyone else!" Nappa declared with pride. "How do you think one becomes a general, kid?"

"Oh, so that's why _you_ became the devil out of the three of you," Ami surmised.

"Yup. Turles is an adept warrior, and Raditz… well, we're not quite sure _what_ he does just yet," Nappa chuckled. "I guess he's in charge of public relations; he's always been good with the ladies, at least."

"And he bets against you."

"Even in Hell, I get no fucking respect from that little asshole," Nappa muttered with a roll of his obsidian eyes.

"Do all Saiyan warriors swear as much as you do? Or does it have to do with the devil gig and being bad?" Ami asked boldly, pushing her glasses up on her nose as she tilted her head significantly to look him in the face. It was a nice face, she decided as he cracked another little smile and chuckled down at her. Devil or not, Nappa had an awful lot of smile lines, so even if he was evil, he was probably a little bit good, too.

"I probably swear more than I should," Nappa admitted, "but don't expect me to curb it much. I'll try to when we're out in public, though. Ok?"

"Sounds good!" Ami answered brightly, grabbing a cart from the small parking lot of the local grocer as they stepped onto the property. "Come on, I'll—" That was when she noticed his attire and lifted a single blue eyebrow.

"What, Blue?"

"Aren't you hot in that jacket and dress shirt? It might be early September, but it's still ninety degrees out here."

"Ami, compared to Downstairs, I feel like I'm standing in front of an air conditioner right now. Shit, I'll probably want a parka to go over all of this once we're in the frozen food aisles."

She immediately giggled at that and the image it produced in her head of him huddled up in full snow gear, shivering inside of an igloo made of pizza boxes. "We'll get you a coat next time then; if you're really going to stick around—"

Her barely imperceptible pause made him nod reassuringly. "I guess I am."

"—then you're going to have hypothermia come Thanksgiving." Ami led the way into the store then, and there was no more talk of the weather in Hell; rather, it was more like a chaotic flurry of Ami being drug as she hung onto the cart at one end and Nappa pulled at the other, striding steadily through the grocery store as he loaded the cart for her.

"But Nappa, my mom will pitch a fit over all of this!" She managed in protest when they hit the frozen foods department.

Frozen pizza, hot pockets, bacon, sausage, pigs in a blanket—nothing unhealthy was discriminated against as two large hands lobbed it into the basket, his face lit up with semi-evil glee. "If you think she's going to be mad about the meat, just wait til she sees all the cookies and chips! You're too skinny, Blue!" Nappa added with a poke to her midsection. "You need some junk food in your diet—ooo DONUTS!"

It wasn't until they'd reached the snack aisle that the little bookworm managed to find her voice and dug her heels into the shiny white tile, her grip tight on the shopping cart handle. "Nappa, no!" She objected loudly. "I can't take all of this home with me; I'll get in trouble! Like, _serious_ trouble! Mom's trusted me with the grocery shopping since I was twelve and you don't even want to know what kind of lecture I got for bringing home a pack of cookies the very first time!"

"You're really not a lot of fun, Ami," Nappa grumbled, snapping his fingers at the sight of her anxiety. All of the junk disappeared then and was replaced with healthy stuff, but Nappa clearly wasn't finished as he strode to the cookies, picked up a pack of double-stuff Oreos, and ceremoniously placed them in the cart. "Bacon stays, too," he huffed. "AND the donuts."

With a heavy sigh, Ami threw her hands up in surrender and nodded. "Fine, but if my mom finds them—"

"You'll what? Declare that the devil made you do it?" Many had tried to achieve the grin that Nappa was wearing right then, and few had managed to replicate such trollish glee.

"I'll tell her an eight-foot-tall bald alien general snuck in my house and put them there," she giggled, no longer able to maintain a serious face when he started to waggle his eyebrows. "At least then she'd take me in for a CT scan before she started to yell about the food pyramid!"

"Everything alright, Ms. Mizuno?"

Ami spun around at the sound of an older man addressing her and found one of the regular cashiers gazing up at Nappa in a mixture of awe and suspicion, clearly impressed by the man's height. "Yes, Mr. Carter, everything's just fine. I was just explaining the importance of the food pyramid."

"Oh. Yes, important thing, keeping healthy and all that," he muttered before shifting his critical eye to her. "And who is this? A friend of your mother's?"

"Oh, I'm so rude," Nappa drawled out sincerely, stepping forward with his hand extended. "I'm Robert. Uncle Bob to Ami; I'm her father's brother. I'm visiting for the time being, but I'm thinking about staying for good," he added as he was careful not to shake the little human's hand too hard. "Ami could use a male influence in her life since her mom's always so busy at the hospital, don't you think?"

"Yes," the grocer admitted slowly, still clearly deciding what to think about the behemoth of a man who was still grasping his hand. "Reiko's awfully busy."

"Saeko," Nappa rumbled in reply. "Her name's Saeko. And Ami shouldn't have to raise herself," he added as he released the man's hand. "And she should also live a little. Grab a bag of chips, kid, you and I are going to watch TV and each junk tonight. No homework and no complaining about the lack of homework, either. I'm sure your perfect grade point average can suffer a couple missing assignments."

Placated by the fact that Nappa knew Ami's mother's real first name—he'd used a fake one on purpose just in case the giant man was really some crazy pervert, in order to prove that he wasn't really related to Ami—Mr. Carter nodded and smiled. "There are more important things than school, Ms. Mizuno. Maybe you should listen to your uncle."

Wide-eyed, Ami just blushed and rubbed at her forehead as she fished for a suitable answer. "Mr. Carter, if you knew how bad of an influence my uncle can be, I don't think you'd be saying such things," she whimpered.

**~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~**

"NOPE!" Nappa barked out, snatching the binder right from Ami's hand, only for it to vanish moments later. "I'm confiscating it until the morning, Blue! I meant what I said in the store! We are rotting that giant, ridiculously smart brain of yours for one night! TV and junk food!"

"But Nappa, I seriously have to get this paper done! It's due in two weeks!" Ami protested weakly. She honestly didn't know what to do! She was being lifted under one massive bicep and carted bodily to the couch, where she was unceremoniously plopped onto the middle cushion. She'd never been manhandled like this before and honestly didn't even know how to go about fighting him, and didn't even move a muscle until he plopped down beside her and magicked a bowl of popcorn between them. "But Nappa," she whined.

"No buts, no cuts, no coconuts!" Nappa countered while waving a hand at the TV to cut in on. "The only thing I want to hear out of you is a channel or the name of a show or a movie, Ami! So name it and we'll watch it!"

Several seconds of silence passed, filled only by the sound of white noise on the television, and when Ami looked up she found her new best friend waiting patiently for her to decide. "I saw a horror movie once when I was thirteen," she finally suggested with a little shrug. "I liked it, but Mom got mad at me for watching stuff like that. She called it needless violence."

"Lucky for you, Blue," Nappa growled happily, "you're friends with a Saiyan general. And there's _no such fucking thing_ as senseless violence to _my_ people! Now! Gimme the name of a movie and we'll watch it!"

"Well… the one I saw at Halloween was The Evil Dead. I think it was the original," Ami guessed softly. "But I don't know much about movies at all. Maybe I could look them up really quick on the internet?" She suggested after a moment of thought.

"Nope! You're not going upstairs!" Nappa laughed, jerking her back down into her seat. "Use this." He handed her a laptop then out of nowhere and pointed at the keyboard. "Go ahead and look it up. I can get anything."

"Ok." Ami quickly typed in BEST HORROR MOVIES OF ALL TIME, and after a full minute of scrolling, she brightened. "Oh! This one has a lot of really high ratings!"

Peeking over her shoulder, Nappa nodded solidly at the title her finger had landed on. "The Exorcist it is, then." With a wave of his hand the movie started, and another snap of his fingers closed the blinds and curtains and cut off all the lights.

"Oh, this must be what a theatre is like," Ami whispered. "I've never been in one before."

"Blue, you don't have to whisper, it's just us," Nappa snickered. "Come on, watch the movie. I haven't seen many human movies, so this is new to me, too."

"Don't you want me to shut up, then?" She inquired curiously as she pushed her glasses up on her nose and took a handful of popcorn.

"Fuck no! We're going to be those loud, annoying people in the theatre that get kicked out for yelling shit at the screen and throwing popcorn!" He exclaimed loudly. "If the movie's shit or if a character does something you think's retarded, fucking voice it! It's part of the entertainment!"

"Oh. Ok then… I'll be loud. I guess."

Snorting in amusement, Nappa just slung his arm around her companionably and gave her a squeeze that made her eyes pop a little. "Oh sorry! I forget my own strength, kid! Anyways, we'll work on it; you're going to be yelling so obnoxiously at the movie by the end of it that the neighbors'll think you're beating the shit out of someone!"

**~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~A&N~**

"Is something wrong Ms. Mizuno?"

Ami immediately straightened up at her desk and fought to keep a straight face when her calculus teacher approached her with an extremely concerned look on his face. "Yes, I'm perfectly fine, sir, why do you ask?" A glance out the window nearly made her lose her composure, though, much to her internal dismay. _Crap, Nappa, you're going to get me kicked out of class!_

Outside the window was the devil himself, practically doing jumping jacks in an attempt to draw her gaze, and it was obvious as hell that he was doing it just for shits and giggles; he was blatantly trying to get her in trouble! _Oh my God, Nappa, staaaaahp! _Ami mentally screamed when a giant piece of white cardboard appeared in his hands and he held it up with a huge, evil grin on his face. _Oh God. That's it. That's totally it. I'm going to laugh and everyone's going to think I'm insane!_

**CAN BLUE COME OUT AND PLAY? I WANNA WATCH MOVIES AGAIN. THAT SHIT WAS FUN. BESIDES, YOUR TEACHER IS BORING. **

Nappa flipped the sign over then, and Ami did actually let out a little snort as she tried to rein in the laughter that would most definitely not stop if she dared to let loose a single chuckle.

**DID YOU KNOW HE WEARS A TOUPEE AND STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER? TELL HIM TO GET A SET OF BALLS AND JUST ROCK THE BALD LIKE A REAL MAN! LIKE MEEEE! **

The sign flipped again, and somehow, Ami wasn't surprised to find that the other side was now different than it had been.

**YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. SHIT, AMI, YOU COULD TEACH THAT CLASS BLINDFOLDED. GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE! I'LL GIVE YOU A COOKIE IF YOU DO.**

"Apparently the Dark Side has cookies," she giggled.

"Excuse me?"

Oh crap! Her teacher was still standing there, watching her intently, his brows furrowed together in nothing but concern. Clearly, Ami was the only person that could see the giant-ass bald alien devil man in an expensive suit, who was trying like hell to either make her laugh or ditch class. "My apologies, Mr. Vance, I'm just feeling a little off today. I probably shouldn't have stayed up so late studying."

A cough was heard from someone in class then, and it suspiciously sounded like the words "KISS ASS," immediately making Ami blush hotly in embarrassment, tears instinctively springing to her eyes.

"If I find out whoever did that, it'll be detention for a week and a call home to your parents," Mr. Vance instantly barked out, spinning in place.

_No, please no! Please don't make it worse than it already is! _Ami silently pleaded with him, hoping he could see the mortification in her eyes. _They'll only bully me even more if you make a big deal out of it, please just let it go!_

It wasn't a lucky day for her, though, because her teacher's face turned red from anger as he pinned one particular girl in place with his eyes—one of Cerise's little friends, Olive—and he shook his finger at her. "I know it was you, Ms. Wilson. To the principal's office, right now. As for the rest of you, you shouldn't laugh at such immaturity. All of you should hope to be as exemplary a student as Ms. Mizuno—"

_No, Mr. Vance, no! God, no, this is so much worse than I thought it would be! They're going to call me brown nose and suck up and teacher's pet and so many worse things, now!_ Glancing out the window, Ami could only turn as red as a sunset when she found Nappa no longer joking or smiling; he was frowning deeply in her direction, and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he knew exactly what had just happened.

**Sorry, Blue, **his sign read as he held it back up. **Come on, we'll go out for dinner or something. My treat for ruining your day. I'll still bring cookies.**

His attempt to apologize and cheer her up a little at the same time did it for her, and Ami was packing up her books and notes despite the fact that Mr. Vance was still lecturing the other students on the moral turpitude of being nice to others and accepting everyone even if they seemed a little different.

"Ms. Mizuno?"

Apparently the teacher had been so engrossed in his chastisement of the rest of the class that he hadn't even noticed her packing up and leaving until she'd opened the door. "I'm not feeling well." At least it wasn't a lie; Ami didn't think she could take one more moment in there without crying or yelling at him for just making her last year of high school even worse than it already was. "I think I'll go home for the day and rest."

"But your mother needs to sign you out, Ms. Mizuno."

"My Uncle Bob will come and sign me out," she offered quickly, leaving before the sneers from half the class and looks of pity from the rest made her burst into tears.

"Sorry, kid," Nappa sighed as soon as she met him out on the sidewalk. "I really didn't mean to fuck your day over, I just thought to corrupt your innocence and convince you to ditch class for the rest of the afternoon."

"It's ok," Ami sighed heavily. "Olive is one of Cerise's friends."

"Oh… that bitch you were telling me about? The one that keeps bullying you?"

"The one and the same. Don't worry about it," she quickly added as she just waved her hand towards the sidewalk. "The Exorcist was good, and I'd been hoping that we could watch another movie today, anyway, since it's supposed to rain. Sorry I made you go jogging with me yesterday instead," she added with a genuine little snicker and a hint of a blush.

"And I'm sorry I didn't think to wear underwear to keep my cock in place. The underarmor I wore when I was alive was nice and tight, so bouncing's never been an issue for me until now. And you know what's funny? I'm the devil, but I still feel kind of bad about that lady wrecking her car."

"I feel bad for the tree she hit," Ami deadpanned as she recalled how she'd been caught between laughing hysterically and hiding in a bush when Nappa had started jogging alongside her, his assets bouncing up and down in time with his footfalls. Well, that answered her scientific curiosity on the matter ever since they'd first met a week ago—Nappa was definitely proportional. "You're like a freak of nature," she teased.

"Hey, that old neighbor lady of yours seemed mighty impressed, though," Nappa replied with a waggle of his eyebrows. "And I ain't got a problem with giving little granny some Saiyan lovin'. Though I'd probably give her a heart attack in the process or wind up breaking her hip," he added seriously.

"That isn't "granny," Nappa. That's Gramma Meg." Despite the fact that the subject matter was unbelievably embarrassing, Ami fought through her blush and punched him lightly in the arm. "And she bakes great cookies and tell really funny stories, so please don't kill her with… that… um… … …_thing_. And wear underwear next time?" She whined as she sputtered at how hilariously horrible that one mile had been. "I swear, I saw it flopping around every time I closed my eyes, for like… two days straight!"

"At least it's memorable," he countered with a proud grin.

"Yes, it's quite the specimen," Ami snorted. "And after that, you owe me Cabin in the Woods and a family pack of double-stuffed Oreos."

"Deal. And you get to cook me dinner, Blue."

"Done."

**Oh, the next chapter is going to get SOOOO fun, yall! Mwuhuhahahahahaha! R&R for an update on the adventures of Satan!Nappa and Ami!**


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